More Real Life Sex and Relationships

African American couple making a heart sign with their fingersAmericans are having less sex

An active sex life is the accepted norm for American singles. Media is sexually explicit, sexting is common, and our culture is more tolerant of sex in a wide range of permutations. Yet, Americans are having less sex with each other than they were 10 years ago.  There has also been a decline in sex and relationships among young people, and those who marry are marrying later.  About 60 percent of adults under age 35 now live without a spouse or partner. (more…)

Read More

Overcome The New Wave Of Bullying

A Disturbing Surge in Schools

There is a disturbing surge in hate-laced bullying among students of all ages, as reported by Katherine Stewart in “The Nation”.  Particularly toward Muslim students, immigrants, and children of color, girls, and Jews.  According to the Southern Poverty Law Center, more than half of teachers surveyed reported an increase in uncivil political discourse.  The damage to our culture of civility will take time to repair. It can cause trauma to the bullied, and the bully suffers as well.  Children who are bullies are more likely to commit crimes later in life.  When adult role models are bullies, it teaches children to solve their problems by taking it out on others.  When it is accepted in our mainstream culture, bystanders become indifferent, since it has been modeled as an acceptable practice. (more…)

Read More

Are you Really There For Me?

Are you Really There for Me?

Why are some couples so quick to respond to their partner with anger or defensiveness?  How can we break the cycle of extreme arousal, pain and more wounding that some couples experience with nearly every interaction? “We can’t stop fighting,” I hear.  “Everything turns into a major blow-up!”. According to Emotion-Focused Therapy’s theory, high reactivity comes from avoiding pain. (more…)

Read More

Helping Teens in Crisis

Recent teen suicides in my hometown are bringing fear, shock, and sadness to the community. These tragedies now have parents and teachers looking for ways to talk to their kids about it, and at the same time, fears that they are helpless to prevent a crisis.

It’s true that suicides have increased by 28% from 2000 to 2015. Suicide rates have always been, and remain highest among men. But, the most shocking increase is among girls ages 10 to 14. Where the increase in those five years is 200%. (Pain in the Nation, 2017, Trust for America’s Health). Most of those girls have a mood disorder (clinical anxiety or depression), which is also on the rise. The national average is about 30% of students are saying that they are having feelings of depression. (more…)

Read More

We Need Mindful Relationships

You may be familiar with the healing properties of practicing mindfulness. Thirty years of research has shown that it increases our ability to relax, reduces pain, increases energy, improves self-esteem and helps us cope more effectively with stress. But how often do we practice mindfulness in our relationships?

Mindfulness is giving full attention to the present moment, non-judgmentally. Imagine if you could be non-judgmental when hearing another person’s opinion, or concern, even if it feels like criticism or anger to you. (more…)

Read More

Why I Need Help to be a Good Spouse and Parent

I was a child of the 1960’s – 70’s: The first generation of women in America discovering that they could, and perhaps should, have a career of their own outside the home. As little girls, my friends and I dreamed of our careers, not of having babies and making our husbands happy. That was what my mother did, and I looked down on her choice, though I loved her very much. I couldn’t imagine anything worse than staying home with babies, cleaning the house and cooking meals. I took no interest in any of those activities as a child or young adult. Babies were messy and annoying, and cooking was demeaning. I was well on my way building a professional career when I met the man that I wanted to marry. The only obstacle was that he wanted me to cook and to have children. I agreed to a child, but not to cooking. I ended up having three children, but I still hate to cook. (more…)

Read More