New Relationship Resolutions for 2023

Relationship resolutions
The beginning of the New Year is a good time to think about goals for the year ahead. We can set goals anytime, but these built-in dates on our calendar are helpful. Just as Thanksgiving is a
time to focus on gratitude, New Year is a good time to focus on changes we want to make in
our lives. The New Year provides an opportunity to clean the slate of past failings and look at life as a new
opportunity, no matter your age, or your experience. It’s a time to focus on the positive and
commit to specific actions, try to visualize your “best-self.” Think of a time when you’ve pulled
 through a difficult situation.
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The Key to a Happy Adulthood

The key to a happy adulthood
“More than any single factor that we can control, connectedness in childhood is the key to a happy adulthood” says Edward Hallowell in “The Childhood Roots to Adult Happiness”.  He cites a comprehensive study in the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, Journal of the American Medical Association, 1997.  This study, on ninety thousand students around the US, demonstrated the importance, above all, of feeling connected.
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Get Unstuck: Letting Go of Childhood Memories

In a session I had recently with a couple, a husband told his wife that he wants to help her find peace when she is “off the rails.” He does this by problem-solving and suggesting different ways of looking at the situation. They both agreed that this almost never works, but only escalates her anger and frustration. I asked him how he would feel if it did work? He replied that he would feel calm, successful, and at peace. Upon saying this, he realized that he was behaving this way to make himself feel better, not her. He hadn’t explored with her what would truly help her to feel better.
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What Are Healthy Boundaries and How Can I Get Them?

What Are Healthy Boundaries and How Can I Get them?
Boundaries are the root of self-care and are necessary for creating a healthy life. They are limits we create for ourselves to have the life we want and deserve as unique human beings.  They are not the rules and limits that we have internalized from our childhood or by comparison with others.  It’s a tricky thing to learn to know the difference because we are a product of our upbringing and messages from society, social media, and other influential figures in our lives.
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After the Affair: from Despair to Discovery

After the Affair: from Despair to Discovery
Albert Einstein said: “In the midst of every crisis, lies great opportunity.”  If handled well, a crisis can shake up the status quo, so that new resources and new ways of being emerge.  We see clearly how this is true in business. The pandemic crisis caused the suffering of some businesses, like brick-and-mortar retail, health clubs, convention hotels, and cruise ships. At the same time, it brought about the rise of other businesses: bicycle manufacturers, building and design companies, and everything online and delivery-related.
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The Problem with Punishment

The Problem with Punishment
There are two big problems with punishing children. First, it is a bad model for problem-solving. It does not actually teach a person anything, and most likely instills fear and resentment. The purpose of punishment is to control someone’s behavior. When we use our superior status to control a child, it builds feelings of resentment, anger, and other negative feelings. Which potentially lead to worse problems like lying and revenge. Punishment is discouraging for a child and promotes feelings of worthlessness, failure, and inadequacy.
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5 Keys for Surviving Isolation with your Teen

2020 has been a challenging year for all of us, but I have particular sympathy for teens and their parents. I remember very well when my three kids were teenagers, and I can’t imagine having them all in the house with us 24/7 for ten months.  We all thrived due to the physical separation that school, friends, and activities provided.  Since it looks like we have a few more months of isolation to go, here are some suggestions, based on what I’m hearing from families that are managing reasonably well with their teens through the pandemic:
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Gratitude: A Recipe for Happiness

gratitude a recipe for happiness
We are in the worst time of this pandemic, and the holidays are upon us.  It may be a tough time for some of us to feel grateful, and it can also be a time when we find gratitude for things we may have taken for granted before. In the Greater Good Magazine, Psychologist Nathan Greene talks about how gratitude can be complicated during times of struggle. “Gratitude can come from the experience of not having, too, in reflecting on what we did have in the past and what we hope to have in the future.”
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Resilience in Uncertain Times

Yom Kippur in the Jewish religion, is a day of mourning and reflection, of taking responsibility for the role we may have played in the pain of others. While Yom Kippur is always a somber day in the Jewish faith, this year is particularly difficult as we face not only a global pandemic, but also continued political turmoil, racial injustice, economic and health insecurity. Even for those of us who feel safe and secure, there is secondhand heartbreak when we acknowledge those who are suffering and ask ourselves how we may have contributed to that suffering.
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Pandemic Parents: Parenting Challenges in a Pandemic

Bob and Lena chat with parenting experts and Imago relationship therapists Caroline Bernhardt-Lanier and Tory Joseph on the challenges parents are facing with their children during the pandemic. This episode is focused on listener questions and the topics include: Sibling fighting, managing kids and parents big emotions, anxiety, talking to kids about the realities of a pandemic, distance learning, and more.
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