Get Unstuck: Letting Go of Childhood Memories

In a session I had recently with a couple, a husband told his wife that he wants to help her find peace when she is “off the rails.” He does this by problem-solving and suggesting different ways of looking at the situation. They both agreed that this almost never works, but only escalates her anger and frustration. I asked him how he would feel if it did work? He replied that he would feel calm, successful, and at peace. Upon saying this, he realized that he was behaving this way to make himself feel better, not her. He hadn’t explored with her what would truly help her to feel better.
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What Are Healthy Boundaries and How Can I Get Them?

What Are Healthy Boundaries and How Can I Get them?
Boundaries are the root of self-care and are necessary for creating a healthy life. They are limits we create for ourselves to have the life we want and deserve as unique human beings.  They are not the rules and limits that we have internalized from our childhood or by comparison with others.  It’s a tricky thing to learn to know the difference because we are a product of our upbringing and messages from society, social media, and other influential figures in our lives.
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After the Affair: from Despair to Discovery

After the Affair: from Despair to Discovery
Albert Einstein said: “In the midst of every crisis, lies great opportunity.”  If handled well, a crisis can shake up the status quo, so that new resources and new ways of being emerge.  We see clearly how this is true in business. The pandemic crisis caused the suffering of some businesses, like brick-and-mortar retail, health clubs, convention hotels, and cruise ships. At the same time, it brought about the rise of other businesses: bicycle manufacturers, building and design companies, and everything online and delivery-related.
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The Problem with Punishment

The Problem with Punishment
There are two big problems with punishing children. First, it is a bad model for problem-solving. It does not actually teach a person anything, and most likely instills fear and resentment. The purpose of punishment is to control someone’s behavior. When we use our superior status to control a child, it builds feelings of resentment, anger, and other negative feelings. Which potentially lead to worse problems like lying and revenge. Punishment is discouraging for a child and promotes feelings of worthlessness, failure, and inadequacy.
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5 Keys for Surviving Isolation with your Teen

2020 has been a challenging year for all of us, but I have particular sympathy for teens and their parents. I remember very well when my three kids were teenagers, and I can’t imagine having them all in the house with us 24/7 for ten months.  We all thrived due to the physical separation that school, friends, and activities provided.  Since it looks like we have a few more months of isolation to go, here are some suggestions, based on what I’m hearing from families that are managing reasonably well with their teens through the pandemic:
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Gratitude: A Recipe for Happiness

gratitude a recipe for happiness
We are in the worst time of this pandemic, and the holidays are upon us.  It may be a tough time for some of us to feel grateful, and it can also be a time when we find gratitude for things we may have taken for granted before. In the Greater Good Magazine, Psychologist Nathan Greene talks about how gratitude can be complicated during times of struggle. “Gratitude can come from the experience of not having, too, in reflecting on what we did have in the past and what we hope to have in the future.”
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Resilience in Uncertain Times

Yom Kippur in the Jewish religion, is a day of mourning and reflection, of taking responsibility for the role we may have played in the pain of others. While Yom Kippur is always a somber day in the Jewish faith, this year is particularly difficult as we face not only a global pandemic, but also continued political turmoil, racial injustice, economic and health insecurity. Even for those of us who feel safe and secure, there is secondhand heartbreak when we acknowledge those who are suffering and ask ourselves how we may have contributed to that suffering.
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Pandemic Parents: Parenting Challenges in a Pandemic

Bob and Lena chat with parenting experts and Imago relationship therapists Caroline Bernhardt-Lanier and Tory Joseph on the challenges parents are facing with their children during the pandemic. This episode is focused on listener questions and the topics include: Sibling fighting, managing kids and parents big emotions, anxiety, talking to kids about the realities of a pandemic, distance learning, and more.
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Take Control of Anxiety for Your Kids

person standing in front of green plants
Nearly one in three kids ages 13 to 18 now meet the criteria for an anxiety disorder (2018, NIH).  32% of teens report persistent feelings of sadness or loneliness (2018, CDC). There are many factors that contribute to this escalation.  There is screen addiction and the constant comparison to unrealistically “perfect” lives of peers on social media. There is bullying, school shootings, lack of sleep, the pressure to achieve, the media and political turmoil.
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Dating in the Age of Apps

dating in the age of apps
Human beings are wired to be in relationship. Connection is fundamental to our wellbeing, and people who are in positive relationships are healthier mentally and physically. According to the Harvard Study of Adult Development, “Close relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives,” and the University of Utah, “Loving relationships make us happy, but they also keep us healthy. From improving our immune system and blood pressure to helping us heal quicker and enjoy life longer; a happy relationship is life’s greatest medicine.”
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