Articles

The beginning of the New Year is a good time to think about goals for the year ahead. We can set goals anytime, but these built-in dates on our calendar are helpful. Just as Thanksgiving is a
time to focus on gratitude, New Year is a good time to focus on changes we want to make in
our lives. The New Year provides an opportunity to clean the slate of past failings and look at life as a new
opportunity, no matter your age, or your experience. It’s a time to focus on the positive and
commit to specific actions, try to visualize your “best-self.” Think of a time when you’ve pulled
 through a difficult situation.

In a session I had recently with a couple, a husband told his wife that he wants to help her find peace when she is “off the rails.” He does this by problem-solving and suggesting different ways of looking at the situation. They both agreed that this almost never works, but only escalates her anger and frustration. I asked him how he would feel if it did work? He replied that he would feel calm, successful, and at peace. Upon saying this, he realized that he was behaving this way to make himself feel better, not her. He hadn’t explored with her what would truly help her to feel better.

Boundaries are the root of self-care and are necessary for creating a healthy life. They are limits we create for ourselves to have the life we want and deserve as unique human beings.  They are not the rules and limits that we have internalized from our childhood or by comparison with others.  It’s a tricky thing to learn to know the difference because we are a product of our upbringing and messages from society, social media, and other influential figures in our lives.

Albert Einstein said: “In the midst of every crisis, lies great opportunity.”  If handled well, a crisis can shake up the status quo, so that new resources and new ways of being emerge.  We see clearly how this is true in business. The pandemic crisis caused the suffering of some businesses, like brick-and-mortar retail, health clubs, convention hotels, and cruise ships. At the same time, it brought about the rise of other businesses: bicycle manufacturers, building and design companies, and everything online and delivery-related.

We are in the worst time of this pandemic, and the holidays are upon us.  It may be a tough time for some of us to feel grateful, and it can also be a time when we find gratitude for things we may have taken for granted before. In the Greater Good Magazine, Psychologist Nathan Greene talks about how gratitude can be complicated during times of struggle. “Gratitude can come from the experience of not having, too, in reflecting on what we did have in the past and what we hope to have in the future.”