{"id":3280,"date":"2023-08-03T07:03:28","date_gmt":"2023-08-03T11:03:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/toryjoseph.test\/?p=3280"},"modified":"2023-08-14T08:48:23","modified_gmt":"2023-08-14T12:48:23","slug":"welcoming-a-new-baby-a-multi-generational-perspective","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.toryjoseph.com\/welcoming-a-new-baby-a-multi-generational-perspective\/","title":{"rendered":"Welcoming a New Baby, a Multi-Generational Perspective"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

A grandmother\u2019s thoughts:<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A Leap of Faith<\/h2>\n\n\n\n


My daughter, Alison and her husband, Tom, just had a baby girl. She was born a month premature and is now about 10 weeks old. They live across the country from me and my husband, so I decided that we should relocate for two months to be close to her and her husband to help. Thank goodness that we did! It really takes a village to raise a family, from the very first days. As our daughter so aptly put it, \u201cthe best preparation is to learn to embrace the unknown with a spirit of wonder and adventure.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Parenting in your 30\u2019s<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

With many parents waiting until they are more mature than previous generations, the challenge is thinking that one can prepare for all of it. By the time you are in your thirties, having worked, studied and been able to take control over many aspects of your own life, there can be a belief that \u201cI can study this and get all the things, resources, etc., to make this baby experience run smoothly.\u201d As my daughter found, this can set you up for disappointment, and maybe even distress, because you have no control over how this baby comes into the world, and what sort of little personality and biology she might have. It is, I think the greatest leap of faith we take in this life. Thankfully, so many of us have the courage to take that leap and find life\u2019s greatest reward during the hardest job we\u2019ll ever have, parenthood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Team Ella<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

These last few weeks, I\u2019ve had the privilege of being witness to all of it, the joy, the tears, the half madness that comes from not being able to console a tiny infant. I believe that having the right community is essential. Grandparents, friends, babysitters, night nurse, doula, therapist, and a supportive partner help a new parent keep their sanity. We call it \u201cTeam Ella\u201d. Many new parents, particularly mothers, believe that they are failing because their baby is so hard to console, cannot breastfeed, or sleep consistently. That is no one\u2019s fault or failure. It\u2019s exhausting, and you can lose your S\u2014T easily, so you just need someone else there to give you a break, or many breaks. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When it\u2019s a serious condition<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The postpartum period also involves significant hormonal changes, which can cause anxiety, mood swings, crying spells, and difficulty sleeping for many women. These changes, commonly referred to as the\u00a0\u201cbaby <\/strong><\/a>blues<\/a><\/strong>,\u201d<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0occur soon after delivery and may last for up to two weeks. There are also the lesser known postpartum mood disorders, described in\u00a0a humorous New Yorker article<\/a>.<\/strong>\u00a0While some emotional swings are to be expected, some women may experience more severe mood disorders. There is\u00a0postpartum <\/a>psychosis<\/a><\/strong>, which is a very serious condition that requires professional treatment. There can also be\u00a0postpartum depression<\/a><\/strong>, which is a severe and long lasting form of depression, that can include withdrawal, suicidal thoughts, lack of appetite, and requires attention from a doctor and mental health specialist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now for my daughter\u2019s thoughts:<\/strong><\/em>
As a pregnant person and as a new mom, I have sought connection with other women experiencing the same things, but I continue to struggle with the way we relate to each other, which mostly seems to be through the giving of advice. I\u2019m certain it comes from a good place -\u201cI just went through the same crazy experience! Here are all the things that helped!\u201d \u2013 but in so many important ways, our experiences are very different and what worked for you may not
work for me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead, it is such a gift when I get a chance to share my experiences and feel heard and acknowledged, which is one way therapy has been so helpful. On that note, rather than giving any advice on early motherhood, I\u2019ve decided to share my thoughts and experiences of these first crazy days and some of the things that have surprised me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Can I Prepare? The Illusion of Control.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

One of the first challenges when preparing for our baby to arrive was navigating my desire to have a plan for everything and knowing that when it comes to babies, almost nothing will go according to plan. I arranged for a doula and bought all the baby gear. I indulged my planning instinct because it helped me ease my mind and feel more prepared. I realize now that I should also have been preparing my mind. I wish I had: <\/p>\n\n\n\n