There is a disturbing surge in hate-laced bullying among students of all ages, as reported by Katherine Stewart in \u201cThe Nation\u201d.\u00a0 Particularly toward Muslim students, immigrants, and children of color, girls, and Jews.\u00a0 According to the Southern Poverty Law Center, more than half of teachers surveyed reported an increase in uncivil political discourse.\u00a0 The damage to our culture of civility will take time to repair. It can cause trauma to the bullied, and the bully suffers as well.\u00a0 Children who are bullies are more likely to commit crimes later in life.\u00a0 When adult role models are bullies, it teaches children to solve their problems by taking it out on others.\u00a0 When it is accepted in our mainstream culture, bystanders become indifferent, since it has been modeled as an acceptable practice.<\/p>\n
There are kids who have to go to school every day worrying about being ridiculed, pushed around, teased or deliberately left out.\u00a0 Other kids are bullies, support the bully, or stand idly by.\u00a0 There are even teachers and coaches who model mean-spirited behavior.\u00a0 My son had a coach that called him \u201cshrimp\u201d, and a teacher who called another boy \u201clard ass\u201d. \u00a0This goes on every day, and it erodes the self-respect of everyone involved.\u00a0 Bullied kids develop survival strategies instead of social skills.\u00a0 They do what it takes to get rid of the pain, which can have dire consequences.\u00a0 Parents often confront the school\u2019s administration, but they essentially say that there\u2019s nothing they can do.<\/p>\n
There is no such thing as an innocent bystander, and there is no excuse for indifference when one witnesses cruel behavior.\u00a0 When we are indifferent to violence, we are promoting apathy, and thus condoning hatred.\u00a0 What sort of model are we setting for our youth when we do nothing? \u00a0Is it any surprise that our children are afraid to speak up when they see mistreatment?\u00a0 They can\u2019t even trust adults to step up.<\/p>\n
There is a process for solving bullying situations, and it\u2019s not to punish the bully.\u00a0 Punishment deprives the bully of the opportunity to understand the consequences of their behavior, or to empathize with the victim.\u00a0 We must keep their dignity intact because a decent, caring and responsible person can change their behavior. \u00a0This person will want to apologize, fix what they did wrong, and find ways to keep it from happening again which Barbara Coloroso describes in\u00a0The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander: From Preschool to High School\u2013How Parents and Teachers Can Help Break the Cycle<\/em><\/p>\n As parents, we need to begin by modeling how to do what is right, even at personal cost.\u00a0 We need to demonstrate that we have a social conscience.\u00a0 Right now it is particularly important to model our own values of civility and empathy toward all human beings. \u00a0Human rights mean that all are treated equally. If we help to create opportunities to \u201cdo good\u201d, they will see that helping others feels a lot better than putting them down.<\/p>\n We can show that as adults, we don\u2019t have to succumb to peer pressure and over-indulge our kids by buying them the latest update in technology, so they don\u2019t feel a sense of entitlement. \u00a0It might mean not bailing them out when they get in trouble so that they learn they are responsible for their actions.\u00a0 In order for children to have the courage to stand up for what is right, they need to learn how to solve problems, and risk being the outsider when the popular crowd\u2019s behavior is harmful to others.\u00a0 It takes strength to act with integrity when confronted with a bullying situation.\u00a0 Children gain confidence in their own abilities through experience, mutual respect and responsibility for their actions.\u00a0 They learn to balance their own needs in relation to others and resolve conflicts peacefully when they see adults who are doing the same.\u00a0 Especially at the moment, they need parents and role models who show how that is done.<\/p>\n Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence\u00a0<\/em>by Rosalind Wiseman<\/p>\n Masterminds and Wingmen: Helping Our Boys Cope with Schoolyard Power, Locker-Room Tests, Girlfriends, and the New Rules of Boy World\u00a0<\/em>by Rosalind Wiseman<\/p>\n The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander: From Preschool to High School\u2013How Parents and Teachers Can Help Break the Cycle There is a disturbing surge in hate-laced bullying among students of all ages, as reported by Katherine Stewart in \u201cThe Nation\u201d.\u00a0 Particularly toward Muslim students, immigrants, and children of color, girls, and Jews.\u00a0 According to the Southern Poverty Law Center, more than half of teachers surveyed reported an increase in uncivil political discourse.\u00a0 The damage to our culture of civility will take time to repair.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":2738,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[44],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.toryjoseph.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2736"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.toryjoseph.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.toryjoseph.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.toryjoseph.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.toryjoseph.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2736"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.toryjoseph.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2736\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.toryjoseph.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2738"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.toryjoseph.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2736"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.toryjoseph.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2736"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.toryjoseph.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2736"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}Parents Can Help<\/h4>\n
Integrity Requires Courage<\/h4>\n
Resources<\/h4>\n
\n<\/em>by Barbara Coloroso<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"