Jonathan Haidt, in his bestseller The Anxious Generation, takes the view that most Western societies, particularly Canada, the UK, and the US, have seen a significant shift toward overprotective parenting, limiting “real world” experiences and “risky play” for kids. At the same time, we have been freely allowing children access to smartphones, the internet and social media. This “digital world” can be far more dangerous for our children.

Haidt’s analysis reveals a substantial increase in anxiety and depression among teenagers starting in the early 2010s, which correlates with the rapid adoption of smartphones and social media. From 2010 – 2021, there was a disturbing rise in suicide rates and self-inflicted injuries among girls worldwide. Girls became lonelier, even though they spent hours “connecting“ with others online, and the quality of social relationships declined. Boys have always connected more through physical play. As boys withdrew from the physical world, and began to engage in the virtual world, their social skills and competencies to achieve in the real world declined.

Experts in child development agree that unstructured play, in-person friendships, physical engagement with community and nature, are critical to the healthy development of young people.The latest technology detaches us from nature and shared human experience. Face-to-face interactions help children and teens learn social skills, stress management, confidence, and emotion regulation. Children and teens, rely on physical touch in play, and to develop feelings of safety in relationships. Physical eye-contact and touch communicates trust and intimacy. Experience in these physical domains help children and young adults learn to set up personal boundaries. Small-scale challenges and setbacks that happen during play, prepare children to face much larger challenges later. Until the early 80s, unstructured play was how children developed social and physical competencies, learning to overcome fear and feel a sense of agency and autonomy. Haidt argues that rather than being hungry for new experiences (discover mode), kids are more anxious and defending themselves against threat (defend mode). Overprotection makes young people more fragile and fearful as adults.

The virtual interaction of the “phone-based” childhood does not compensate for the loss of experience in the physical world. It also correlates with inadequate sleep, social deprivation, attention fragmentation and addiction. The frontal lobes of the brain, responsible for decision-making, impulse control and reasoning are not fully developed until the mid-twenties. Technology companies target the immature frontal lobes of our youth. Their algorithms are designed to addict the developing brain. The captivating nature of constant stimulation and dopamine rewards through our devices disrupts the ability to focus, manage emotions and form healthy sleep patterns. Even adults struggle with self-control when it comes to their mobile devices. Imagine what it is like when the part of your brain that allows self-control has not developed yet! Young girls are especially susceptible to social comparison. The idealized versions of their peers on social media cause concerns about social rejection and heighten anxiety and depression. Boys are more attracted to the violence in video games and lure of pornography. They can engage in these risky activities without leaving their bedroom, so they isolate themselves from the real world.

What should society do about it? We are at the early stages of understanding the impact of social media on mental health. Many young people are exposed to harmful content online, and the normalization of self-harm and suicide is alarming. Haidt has several recommendations for greater government and corporate responsibility. Some of these include requiring companies to take moral and legal responsibility for how they design their products; raising the age of internet access to 16 and requiring age verification; encouraging phone-free schools. Organizations like Project Liberty play a vital role in promoting accountability among social media platforms. Supporting initiatives that focus on mental health resources, especially for LGBTQ+ youth, is essential.

What can parents do about it? Parents in this generation are experiencing their own mental health crisis, according to a recent report by the Surgeon General. Never have families felt so isolated, overworked, financially stressed, also judged, and pressured to raise their children by the highest standards to ensure their future success.

We need to encourage parents to just be “good enough” and do their best to delay the use of screens and allow more real-world experiences. My own belief is that children don’t want or need parents that focus relentlessly on managing their day-to-day lives and experiences. They need parents who are balanced, present and non-anxious in their presence. Children need freedom within limits that expand as they mature. They need exposure to setbacks, failures, and stumbles to develop strength and self-reliance in the real world rather than the digital world.

In Imago Therapy, couples learn a model of communication that can be practiced together and with their children to develop safe and secure relationships, where people make mistakes but don’t blame, shame or criticize. Where people are appreciated for their differences and listen with respect. It’s crucial for both parents and children to foster open lines of communication about online experiences and mental health. Encouraging kids to share their online encounters can help find problems early on.

Interventions are needed, as Jonathan Haidt prescribes. Schools, families and communities need to work together to provide support systems that address mental health proactively.